Women's Rights

I don’t normally post political posts, but this one has been forming in my mind for quite awhile and I believe it is important to write it down, for others to read, whoever that may be.  With all the talk about women’s rights  during this election cycle,  I know there are women out there wondering why I wouldn’t want these “women’s rights” that are being promised if we re-elect our current president.  Why would I vote against that?

First, I hope that I say all of this humbly and gently, yet still show my convictions.  Second, you should know that I’m speaking from a Biblical worldview, which means there are certain reasons why I believe what I’m about to say, and they might not match up with what you believe simply because we have differing world views. 

So, back to the question: Why would I, as a woman, vote against rights that are helping women?

Simply put? Because I don’t see them as women’s rights.

A right is something that is deserved.  A right is in place in order to create equality.

I believe that many of the issues at hand are women’s choices.   Let me try to explain.

Issue #1: Health Care.  I believe there is a difference between equality and elevating women…even elevation above men.  For example, free breast cancer screenings.   Now, I come from a family with a history of breast cancer.  I understand that breast cancer takes more victims than many other cancers.  My own grandmother was a victim of this fatal disease.  That said, I believe that women should get mammograms and have screenings for breast cancer, but I don’t agree that they should be free.  What about men’s cancer screenings?  What about a man who should be monitored for a disease because, genetically, he is at risk for that disease? This is what I mean by elevating women above men.  Equality and women’s rights has been taken to an extreme.  I absolutely believe that women should have the right to equal pay as men if they are doing the same job and doing it just as well.  I believe that women should have the right to vote. These are equalities.  We live in a world where things cost money- many times things that we don’t necessarily want to spend money on- and that includes paying for things like cancer screenings.  What about someone who has medical bills because of other health issues- do we just excuse everyone for paying for any of that?  

Issue #2: Birth control.  Going back to something being a choice versus a right- birth control is a choice for women.  Personally, I have chosen not to be on birth control.  Don’t get me wrong: I’m completely okay with women being on birth control.  But that is a choice, not a right.  I have been blessed with the ability to get pregnant easily.  I say that gently because I know there are many women out there who struggle.  I only say that to say this- my husband and I can’t afford a bunch of kids, but there are still ways to be careful and to prevent getting pregnant without birth control- if that is what a woman chooses to do.

This leads me to another, somewhat related issue, Issue #3: abortion.  Know that I say all of what I’m about to say carefully and prayerfully.  I have a difficult time understanding how abortion is a woman’s right when there is another life at stake.  The Bible is quite clear about an unborn child still being a life. Psalm 139:16 says, “Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”  I believe that the issue of abortion should center on the right of the one who doesn’t yet have a voice- the one who truly did not have a choice in the matter, the unborn child.  A woman who chooses abortion simply because she doesn’t want another child, or because the child might have birth defects is purely selfish and I believe she is playing god.  God has so much in store for that child.  I know many people with handicaps, such as Down’s syndrome, who have been used by God in mighty, mighty ways.  Who are we to decide what their quality of life will be?  

The more touchy part of this, of course, is abortion in the case of rape.  Is having an abortion going to heal the emotional scars already caused by the rape? Or could it cause even more scars?  I know women who have had abortions and, decades later, still carry emotional scars from it.  There are other options- like adoption-where families will take care of a child born because of rape.  Families who will love the child as if he or she was their own.  No matter how the situation may arise, even in the case of such an ugly, horrible thing like rape, God has this child coming into the world for a reason. 

We live in a sinful world, but we have a merciful God to redeem us through Jesus Christ.  Beloved woman, if you are reading this and you have been raped or have had an abortion, know there is so much greater hope in Jesus Christ over any “right” this world has to offer.  Jesus Christ can make you whole again.  He can make a woman who feels ashamed and dirty because of rape feel worthy again. To open her eyes to know that He has a greater plan in mind. Even if it may not be easy to understand, God’s purposes are not our own.  He has an amazing plan in store.  Even for that child who may not be wanted by the world’s standards.

“Father to the fatherless, defender of widows — this is God, whose dwelling is holy. God places the lonely in families.”

Psalms 68:5-6

John 1:12 “But to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God.”

Hannah has a secret...

So there's a good reason for why I haven't been posting regularly recently.  Really, there is. 

Well, let's just have Hannah tell you:

She says "Guess whooooo has a secret?"

"Well, I guess I'll tell you...



...if you insist....

I'm gonna be a BIG SISTER!"

So you see, friends, these last 12 weeks I have been busy growing alittle one.  And that is a lot more difficult than it seems.  Especially with a toddler this time around.  I've had a lot more nausea and been a lot more tired than I was with Hannah.   And last week I had the worst cold I have had in a very, very long time. 


BUT I know I am very blessed.  And we are very excited.  After meeting the little one today, we can confirm that this little one will arrive some time around Thanksgiving.  The exact due date is November 21. 

Introducing...Baby Brown #2!

I find it so amazing that at not even 12 weeks, you can already make out his/her little head, ear, nose, tummy, and legs! Miraculous for sure.

Praising God for the little miracle and praying that he/she continues to grow healthy and strong.  

Standing Stones

ifiimages.com

Yesterday I found a journal that was surprisingly almost completely empty. It is a very cute journal and I was very excited when I found it. It's the little things. Well, I just opened it up and found that the few pages that were filled had some to-do lists of things to do right before Hannah was born. A page later was the labor story. I forgot I had written it down in such detail! It was a beautiful thing to re-read it again. Then, the next page contained the following journal entry/ prayer (most of my journal entries turn into prayers) written a couple weeks after Hannah was born, after finding out that I hadn't gotten a particular online teaching job that I had wanted:

Heavenly Father,
You asked us to have faith in all circumstances- not to worry and to trust You. Right now I'm having some major difficulty doing that.
Of course, nothing in the last few months has really looked like I thought it would, yet You have shown up over and over again.
At the end of the school year, I worried to see how You'd provide for us this summer, and we've been fine- You've gone above and beyond providing financially- especially with John's tutoring business.
Then I was so unnecessarily anxious about the brith of Hannah- worrying about everything from getting an epidural to being induced to have a C-section or there being something wrong with her. However, everything went sooo well- pretty much as good as a labor can go- and she's absolutely gorgeous and perfect. Wow.
Then, I worried about job situations for next year and not only did you provide me with one interview opportunity (on my due date!) but with TWO (the second being the day before I went into labor). That was incredible enough. And now I sit here anxious and worrying becaue I didn't get one of the jobs. I'm not used to getting rejected from a job.
Now I haven't heard from K12 and I think that means I don't have a job with them...because I haven't heard back in MY timing. And I'm worried abotu finances in the next couple months because the short-term disability didn't go through. If I don't get a job with K12, how will we make it?! AND does that mean I need to go back to work at Orange Grove??
What kind of faith is this?! You have provided over and over again and yet I still doubt?! God, Lord Jesus, I do believe! Pleae help my unbelief!
You are mighty- the Creator of everything- the Onewho has brought His people through over and over again. I konw I am not worthy of anything You give me, yet You have given so much more than I could have fathomed, over and over again.
So....what do I do? Wait on You, yes. Is it too much to beg for me to be able to stay home with Hannah? I just don't see going back to work....how?! Do I start considering other options for next year or continue to have faith that You will be glorified and will show Yourself faither? I'm pretty sure the answer is "yes" to both, but mostly to the latter.
You've got the whole world in Your hands so please make evident to me how to wait and what to do. Please Lord. I want to have faith. Please.

I didn't date this entry and I wish I had. What I do know is that within a matter of days I received a call from K12 offering me a job. A year and a half later, I am blessed beyond believe and enjoying the balance of working from home and raising Hannah. God provided, once again.

In Joshua 3, God asks the people of Israel to have some tremendous faith. He commanded the men carrying the ark of the covenant to step into the Jordan river and then trust that He would create a path for them to cross. Now, picture this. This ark is not a little box. It was a huge, heavy box filled with heavy, precious metals. Not only that, but no one was allowed to touch it or drop it. Carrying it was a huge responsibility. Now, picture the Jordan river. This isn't just a small stream. It is a HUGE river, imagine something like the Mississippi, and in Joshua 3 it mentions that it was at flood stage, which means water was up the banks and definitely rushing by. Taking a step into this water definitely required a lot of faith. But the men did it, and sure enough, God caused it to dry up. He came through and provided in the midst of a difficult time, once again.

Now listen to Joshua 4:

1 When the whole nation had finished crossing the Jordan, the LORD said to Joshua, 2 “Choose twelve men from among the people, one from each tribe, 3 and tell them to take up twelve stones from the middle of the Jordan, from right where the priests are standing, and carry them over with you and put them down at the place where you stay tonight.” 4 So Joshua called together the twelve men he had appointed from the Israelites, one from each tribe, 5 and said to them, “Go over before the ark of the LORD your God into the middle of the Jordan. Each of you is to take up a stone on his shoulder, according to the number of the tribes of the Israelites, 6 to serve as a sign among you. In the future, when your children ask you, ‘What do these stones mean?’ 7 tell them that the flow of the Jordan was cut off before the ark of the covenant of the LORD. When it crossed the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off. These stones are to be a memorial to the people of Israel forever.”

Standing stones to remember how God has provided. Coming across this journal entry today was evidence of a standing stone in my own life. I know there are many more in my past. I'm feeling challenged to keep track of these some how. I'm still figuring out how...actual stones? A list? I know that God is going to place many more challenges and unknowns in our future, where we'll have to step into the rushing waters of the Jordan again, and that He'll provide. I pray that I can remember the standing stones in my own life as those take place.

Free Time?

It's funny how "free time" changes once you have kids. I was talking to my neighbor yesterday and she was saying that she had an entire free weekend and didn't know what she was going to do with herself. An entire weekend free...I don't know if that will happen again until I'm old and gray. I'm not complaining, though. It's just funny how "free time" becomes a totally different concept.

John has given me the entire day today to do whatever I want. It's really a beautiful thing--and I need to make sure I take time to relax. But of course, I'm sitting here at Panera making a list of all the things I should do. And, I'll do some of them...yet I'm also going to make myself sit by the lake and read, get a pedicure, and take some time to reflect and pray about various things.

Thanking God (and John!) for today and hoping I make the most of it!

New Perspective from a Pineapple

John and I just finished day 6 of another 10-day juice fast. Yesterday I was juicing a pineapple and was brought back to the mission trip that we took a few summers ago to Honduras. One day on the trip, John and I had the privilege of delivering meal bags to families in the area. Most families live way below even our lowest poverty line, and we took these bag to the poorest of the poor. These families were families who worked in the pineapple fields. In order to get to their "homes," we traveled through field after field of pineapples.


The above picture is a bit blurry because we weren't allowed to get out of our vehicle to take pictures of the pineapples. It wasn't safe. The missionary driving us, who lives there among the people, said that anyone who trespassed in the fields would be in danger of getting shot, because many people have been known to steal the pineapples. We didn't see any men out there with guns, but apparently they are out in the fields often.

Yesterday, as I juiced half a pineapple, that I easily bought at the grocery store for only a few dollars, I thought about the irony of the situation of these field-working families. Many of them lived in tiny shacks with no electricity or plumbing. Located right behind fields of fields of luscious pineapples, these families rarely get a good meal, let alone a meal with proper nutrition (including fruit).

This perspective made me consider my situation. Here I am, with pounds of fruits and vegetables in my fridge waiting to be juiced, and a way for me to get amazing nutrition, and I find myself complaining over some hunger pains, or finding myself craving something quite non-nutritious.

Today I'm thankful for easy-access to proper food and nutrition and for a healthier perspective. And I say a prayer for those families- that God would provide for their physical and spiritual needs.

*I pulled this picture off of wnymedia.net...what the pineapple plants looked like close up, if I would have been able to take a better picture.

Fathers

Today I've had some time to reflect on the blessings of the amazing men in my life: my father, husband, grandpas, and brother. Each of them have wonderful and unique talents and personalities. Most importantly,they are strong, godly men who are spiritual leaders in their homes.

Growing up, I was very blessed with a daddy who made me feel beautiful and appreciated. He supported my decisions and quielty sacrificed so much for me and for our family. He still is such a selfless man who puts everyone ahead of himself without even a second thought. No matter the day, he was always helping my mom with things around the house. He has always been very hard working and is great at fixing things. I wrote this poem back in 2005 about him:

My Father's Hands

the rough edges

crease to comfort

wise hands to configure

the complex machines

of shiny red convertibles

pound metal nails

deep
in cedar beams
creates a world in which to dream

and sleep in bed of clouds

large inelegant fingers

sew small seam gently

back into place

on my favorite red dress

tenderly wipes the tears that slide

down my small cheek

kneads dough for fresh bread

to set at Sunday dinner

persistent to relieve

my mother's gentle hands

at any occasion

gingerly turns pages

of worn leather Bible

all holds truth when

protected by his strength

to sooth mother's from

tension

cares to calm
and warm with talented

worn down hands.

I also could say so much about my husband and the amazing father I have watched him become over this past year. He is so loving, caring, and selfless. He puts Hannah and me first- always wanting to make sure that our needs are met.

And of course I need to mention my Heavenly Father. The One who truly gave the biggest sacrifice for me through His son, Jesus Christ. He is the One who I can count on and trust. And speaking of hands, the One who I tust my whole life with in His hands.

He's got the whole world

in His hands

He's got the whole world

in His hands

He's got the whole world

in His hands

He's got the whole world in His hands.

Choosing Belief during Difficult Situations

I do believe in God's sovereignty.

It's just that some days it's harder to believe than others.

Last night a friend's baby girl unexpectedly passed away. She was 2 weeks younger than Hannah. Almost 10 months old.

Tonight a dear friend's baby girl is in a children's hospital having difficulty breathing. She is 3 weeks old.

Sometimes I wonder why.

Why them and not me?

Why them at all?

A year ago I would have really felt sad for these friends. But today I feel a deep heartache.

Being a parent myself now, I can't imagine what they are going through.

The one thing that continues to go through my mind today is that our children belong ultimately to God. They are His children and He has given us the privilege of raising them until He wants them back with Him in heaven.

Job 1:21 says, "The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised."

But really, God? So soon?

The song based from this verse echoes my heart more clearly: "Blessed be the name of the Lord, blessed be the name....You give and take away, My heart will chose to say, blessed be Your Holy Name."

The only way that I can fully understand that all I have, including my children, is God's to give and take away, is by choosing it in my heart. It will never come completely naturally.

I know He has a plan. But that plan is not always easy or even ever known by us this side of heaven.

Praying for my dear friends tonight and their difficult situations.

Trusting God is in control.

Spirit of a Sound Mind

There are times when I wonder if some if the things I post, like this one, should be kept private. Why share these struggles publicly? Why be vulnerable?

Because maybe, just maybe, there is one other woman out there tonight who can relate.

It's 11:48pm and I can't sleep.

Nighttime can be the worst. Nighttime is when my fears creep in. My worries overwhelm me. The "what-ifs" come at me full force.

Am I spending enough time with H during the day?

What if I'm not doing a good enough job with my students?

I wish I was staying in better touch with that friend...

Why can't I get rid of this thorn in my flesh?

Will God provide for such and such needs?

Why am still awake?!

And it can go on like this for too long. Satan's lies attacking me one after the other.

I should get in God's Word and pray fervently for Him to give me peace when this happens. To help me understand that these fears,worries, and insecurities are irrational. But all too often I lay there and they overwhelm me.

I think...no, I know that the root of all this is a lack of trusting God. A couple summers ago I was blessed to be involved in the Beth Moore Esther Bible study with some amazing women. In one of the sessions, Beth focuses on fear. At first I didn't think I could relate, but all too quickly I realized that the lack of trusting God leads to a fear of the unknown in so many ways.

During my pregnancy, John and I were dealing with a lot of unknowns. Of course there were the unknowns that a pregnancy brings-- wondering if the baby is healthy and that everything is developing correctly, etc. But we also had some other unknowns with our future. It was during this stage that God brought to mind a verse that has since become what I would consider my life verse:

2 Timothy 1:7 "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."

I love how the NKJV puts it....sound mind. With the Holy Spirit dwelling inside me, I don't have to be fearful. God has given me His power and love and His peace through a sound mind. This is a prayer I need to continue to remember.

So, I pray tonight:

Dear Lord, please help me to realize that the Holy Spirit is powerful and living in me. I pray that I would feel Your presence. Please take away this fear and give me your power, love, and a sound mind so that I can sleep peacefully through the night, knowing that You hold all things in the palm of your hand. Thank You for being in control and not leaving me to figure things out for myself. Amen.

True Perfection

As I take today to reflect on Christ's death, my heart is focused most on this one thing: I am not perfect. If I were, Christ's death on the cross for my sins would not be necessary. How freeing this is! In a culture that demands perfection, Christ calls out to me, letting me know that on my own, I am a sinner, lost, messing up all the time. Only in Him am I perfect. Only through His death, cleansing my sin, making me white as snow, can I experience wholeness.

Being a type-A personality, I tend to put a lot of pressure on myself to do everything perfect and always have my "ducks in a row." This past week, with my job, I was feeling a lot of unnecessary pressure that I was placing on myself to have every single one of my students fulfilling certain expectations. It dawned on me late in the week, after many sleepless nights worrying about this, that it is not ever going to be possible. I can care about my students and put a thousand individual plans in place for them, but in the end they need to follow through. This is where I need to learn to simply work my hardest- for God's glory- and then give it all to God.

One area of my life where I am slowly letting go of perfection is around my home. I love the days when I wake up on time, shower, dress nice, put makeup on, make the bed, have a nice breakfast, pour some coffee, get to work and manage to keep things in order around the house. I love a well-organized home and a well-organized day.

However, working an 8-5 job from home while taking care of a 9-month old rarely lends itself to this sort of a day. Most days look like this:

1. Roll out of bed, feed Hannah, start working. PJs stay on most of the day. Shower probably doesn't come until the evening.

2. Time to run an errand? Throw on jeans and a t-shirt, but forget the makeup. Pre-Hannah, I never would have dreamed of running to the store without makeup. Now it happens all. the. time.

3. Around the house, you will normally see this:

Dishes piling up in the sink

Piles of random things on the counter
Toys all over the floor (plus other items H manages to find, like tissues)

Clean laundry that still needs to be put away

Food left on H's tray

Bath water left over from H's bath

However, after Hannah went down for her nap the other day and I was looking around at this "mess," I felt full of life. This is what living is. It's not having a perfectly well-kept house or a child confined to one space, trying to be in control of everything. It's freedom. And letting life just happen.

Sure, at the end of the day we get the dishes done and the toys put away (most of the time).

I do believe in taking care of the things that God has given us to care for, but to do so does not mean that everything needs to be in perfect order all the time.

It's also important to realize that having things orderly on the outside is not true perfection.

True perfection comes from Christ alone and finding life in Him. http://mudpreacher.org/2010/06/22/you-can-live-by-a-new-law-of-life/

Multitude Mondays: Part V

102. The courtyard to play with Hannah in this beautiful weather.

103. That I have such a content baby girl who is okay to play on her own when I have to get things done for school or around the house.

104. That God gives us just what we need, exactly when we need it.

105. Hannah's 3 hour naps in the morning.

106. Her adorable laughs and cheerful attitude when she wakes up.

107. Clean, warm sheets right before bed.

108. A fun night full of laughter with friends @ small group.

109. Safety from the storms/ tornado on Thursday

110. That others were safe in the storms, despite the destruction it caused.

111. A reminder of God's power

112. That others take joy in Hannah.

113. An enjoyable birthday lunch/ visit @ John's school.

114. Beautiful red roses from a thoughtful husband.

115. Packages in the mail.

116. Birthday surprises- like going to an authentic Mexican restaurant for my birthday dinner- adn that John knows me so well to research and find a place that I would love.

117. Enjoying movie night.

118. More surprises, like going to the Saturday Morning Market in St. Pete!

119. Finding joy in cooking and experimenting with new foods.

120. A productive weekend of making baby food and prepping for the week.

121. That God continues to provide and honor our tight budget- especially when I go to the grocery store. He continues to provide!

122. Spending time in God's Word first thing in the morning.

123. Finding a way to upload my pictures from my camera!! Pictures coming soon!!

Multitude Mondays: Part IV

I didn't want to open my journal last night and look at the ways God's blessed me. I was feeling lonely and left out and the devil was using his usual schemes on me to make me feel worthless and captive, not the way someone living with freedom in Christ should feel. But I did anyway, and of course, God helped me to put so much in to perspective.

I'm thankful...

71. for a week off from work- spring break!

72. good flights to and from Michigan and a content baby on all of them

73. a genuine and thought-provoking conversation with the person next to me on one of the flights

74. singing lullabies to Hannah with my mom

75. watching my dad "fly" Hannah around the room

76. Hannah giving kisses to my parents

77. that Hannah had a look of familiarity when she saw my parents

78. playdates with Michigan friends and their kids

79. watching Hannah interact with a lot of other kids

80. my new rose bracelet to remember Grandpa Hop

81. Hannah's new funny quirks, like squinting up her nose when she smiles

82. that she can do "sooo big" and can wave when we say "hi" and "bye"

83. helping one of my best friend's look at places to register for her wedding

84. late night conversations with my parents

85. relaxing in the home I will always remember as home

86. sharing in the joy of friends and their pregnancies

87. Crown Financial

88. putting together a clear budget with John and honest conversations

89. a playdate with Tampa friends at Foster park- few and far between since I'm usually working during the week

90. a husband who loves playing with Hannah and lets me have some alone time

91. being able to take a long, hot shower

92. taking the time to do my hair on a work day (meaning I was just staying home, no place to go)

93. snuggle times with Hannah at night

94. God's timing

95. a long, productive talk with our upstairs neighbors and God's hand being so evident

96. outside playdates in the courtyard with Gina and Knox

97. taking care of Javen and watching him play with "He-nah"

98. late night visit with the Waechters

99. visiting with John's dad, sister, and our two nephews

100. a great and timely message at church- and being back at the BP campus after a very long time at the DI campus.

101. amazing news from school about my job that is an answer to prayer- and will make these next few years so much easier

Perfect Love Casts Out Fear

It's amazing what happens when getting to know someone versus just seeing them from afar and judging them.

For the last couple of months, we have "put up with" our upstairs neighbors: a 21-year-old couple who (almost) constantly has played loud music, fought horribly, and banged things around incessently.

When they first moved in, either John or I made the comment that we should have them over for dinner.

Then the fighting began, the noises got louder, and our frustrations built. Instead of that dinner offer, we began letting the cops make visits instead.

I mean, the fighting WAS horrible and the noises WERE way too loud for being midnight (and later). We really did have every right to call the police- as did our other neighbors, which happened frequently.

Then last Thursday, things came to a head. I mean, really, it was almost as if all hell broke loose upstairs. I was in the middle of a conference call and could barely concentrate for all the noise- screaming and banging around- the police came and to make a long story short, the guy ended up completely breaking down.

We learned a bit about his family life that day, and a little about hers as well.

Things started making more sense- abuse and broken families mixed with extreme financial crisis will lead to lots of fighting and hurt. How does a young, unbelieving couple know how to love if they've never been shown love?

The door opened for our dinner invitation at just the right moment- when they were broken and at the end of themselves.

So tonight was that dinner. All day I was feeling a bit nervous- out of my comfort zone. I mean, I have prayed for years that my home would be a home that could take in the needy. I have always known that a passion and spiritual gift of mine is hospitality. Yet, when faced with an actual experience, I felt jittery- scared, even. And why? To what end? Our God is bigger than any fear I have, but yet I still let those fears creep in.

And were the fears legitimate? Hardly. Dinner tonight was so fulfilling. Not physically, but spiritually and emotionally. This is a hurting, lost couple. Just looking for someone to show them truth and to show them what it means to love. And although John and I are far from perfecting that truth and love, we have something they are longing for: an anchor to hold us together. Jesus Christ. Tonight lead to a few moments of sharing our faith for sure, but more than anything it was the beginning of something being built. A beginning of perhaps a mentor ship. Of times spent talking, playing games, and hopefully even digging deeper into spiritual matters.

Our God is so awesome. I praise Him for tonight- for His strength and timing. For softening my heart to a situation that could have otherwise caused more hardening and callousing. And for using His love to cast out a fear that was not given to me from Him.

"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love." 1 John 4:18

Multitude Mondays: Part III

I haven't written anything between last week's list and this weeks, and that is going to be one of my goals: to write at least one thing in between each list (meaning blogging at least twice a week).

52. For a friend letting us borrow their jumper /exersaucer- Hannah LOVES it. Thanks Katie!

53. For hosting small group and the enjoyment I get out of cooking for a large group of friends.

54. For the honesty and accountability in our small group.

55. That Hannah loves her babysitter, Miss Amber, who comes twice a week.

56. That I can completely trust Amber with Hannah.

57. For catching up with friends at church on Wednesday night: we don't go as often because it's another night that throws off Hannah's schedule, but when we do go, it's always refreshing.

58. For the beautiful weather and sitting outside enjoying it.

59. That although things have not been easy with our upstairs neighbors, things came to a head on Thursday and it has been better ever since: less fighting among them, and a better relationship with us.

60. That those same neighbors accepted our invitation to dinner-- pray that we reflect Christ's love tomorrow night!

61. For an afternoon walk with my other neighbor Gina, and her little boy, and time to really get to know each other better.

62. For healthy laughter watching Strangers and Fools improv and even more laughter afterwards with the Weihes and Waechters.

63.That I could breath slowly and enjoy a nice, long weekend.

64. For a wonderful message that went straight to the heart from Pastor Gary.

65. For support and encouragement from friends when Hannah's sleep schedule (or lack thereof ) drives me crazy with not knowing what to do.

66. For enjoying a glass of wine and a good movie with the hubby.

67. That H and I could visit the school where I used to work, and for being able to see all my old students: they brought great joy to my life while I was there.

68. For a long weekend and extra day off today!

69. For Wright's cake. Yum.

70. For a quiet evening to collect my thoughts before starting work tomorrow.

Multitude Mondays: Part II

So it's two days late getting posted, but I did still at least keep my journal this week. And it was a mixed emotion of a weekend with my parents here (loved it!) and a baby who wouldn't sleep (not loving it). Keeping track of what I'm thankful for definitely helped!

28. The Truth Project

29. Learning from older generations

30. Random excitement during the week- like being on the Today Show :)

31. Biblical principles for how to handle money

32. That when H won't sleep during the day because she's in pain from teething, that I can be the one to hold and comfort her rather than being away at work.

33. The excitement I'm finding in creating vegetarian meals.

34. Breakfast with the neighbors.

35. That H is beginning to copy what we're doing more and more (both scary and awesome!)

36. That my parents could visit

37. Being able to take a day off to relax with my family.

38. That my family is low-key and enjoyed just being together this weekend.

39. For the joy in H's face when she sees her Nana and Papa. I'm SO glad that it's as if she recognizes them whenever they see each other.

40. For a beautiful porch to sit on and a nice courtyard to look out at.

41. Coffee brewing in the morning.

42. For parents who make hosting feel like a vacation- as they help make meals, fold laundry, wash dishes!

43. For a handy dad who can fix the little things around our place when he comes-- and loves to do it as well.

44. For a husband who may not be a fix-it guy, but who is intelligent and chooses to use that intelligence to learn more about God.

45. For a husband who is sensitive to my needs.

46. For a husband who will make dinner, get flowers for me, and clean up after dinner on Valentine's Day even though he doesn't see the point of the day- but will do it because he knows I like it :)

47. For the values my parents instilled in me and God willing that I'll be able to instill in our children.

48. For uncontrollable laughter with my mom.

49. For a mom who gives great advice and never forces what she thinks needs to be done on me.

50. That even though this week was tough because H woke up so much during the night, I was able to still treasure the moments of rocking her back to sleep in my arms.

51. God answering prayers when praying for an accountability partner.

Perspective

I was talking with a co-worker yesterday, well, a former co-worker. She quit last week and is now just a stay-at-home mom with her 8-month old. She was saying how it was so nice to have "mommy time," go on playdates again, and attend a morning Bible study. I had to work really hard at not letting jealously creep in. I also feel this way sometimes when stay-at-home moms complain about how much work they have to do. I tend to get a little angry and want to make them aware that not only am I a stay-at-home mom, but I also work fulltime.

But then a friend helped me put it in perspective. She would love nothing more than to be at home with her baby, but she has to put her child in daycare and go to work everyday.

Sure, I may have to work, but I am so blessed to be able to stay at home with Hannah. To watch her roll over for the first time, then roll across the room. To sooth her on a day like today when she is fussy because her poor little mouth is in pain from the teeth coming in. To see her happy and excited when I come in to pick her up after her naps. To still be nursing. To hold and play with her and read to her off and on throughout the day.

Yes, it's a lot of work. But I wouldn't trade anything for being able to be here for these moments with her, no matter the challenge it might be sometimes.

I am blessed.

Multitude Mondays: Part I

I've decided to link up to Multitudes on Mondays from A Holy Experience by Ann Voskamp. I've been very inspired by her blog and her genuine, refreshing posts. The point of Multitudes on Mondays is to reflect on what made you thankful throughout the week. I've decided to start keeping a journal and everytime I think of something I'm thankful for throughout the week, I just write it down. I keep the journal close by throughout the day. Even though this week was a little rough, remembering the blessings in my life helped to put things into perspective. Thank you to friends who have inspired me to do so- Amber, Chrissy, and Carolina. :)

I'm thankful...

1. For a healthy, growing girl

2. A baby's laughter

3. Ceiling fans to keep the beautiful breeze blowing without having to turn on the A/C

4. A husband who gets up in the middle of the night to help get Hannah back to sleep

5. A productive conversation with a neighbor

6. A random skype date with both my parents in the middle of a week day

7. That my parents stayed safe through "snowpocalypse" in Michigan this past week

8. Accesible drinking water at any time: something that I take for granted so much. It's hard to even imagine what it would be like without it, as many people in third world countries experience.

9. A God who provides DAILY for our needs

10. Fun packages in the mail

11. Fun ways to save money on baby stuff: like bright-colored cloth diapers, homemade wipes, and homemade baby food

12. The "new" clothes for Hannah that came from a friend at just the right time, as Hannah is switching sizes

13. Sitting down at the dining room table with the family for dinner

14. The smell of a baby right after her bath. Mmmmm....

15. Aveeno "lightly scented" baby wash

16. A husband who encourages me when I'm feeling down

17. A baby who takes 3 good, long naps even when she's teething (especially nice when Mommy is sick :P)

18. Grooveshark and being able to get any song I want- for free!

19. Having a washer and dryer in our place

20. Fels Naptha21. A fun date night with John

22. Time to get out and have wonderful, genuine conversations with John

23. Friends who will watch Hannah so we can go out on a date

24. Sleeping in a little while hearing the rain outside

25. Nursery volunteers

26. Sunday afternoon naps

27. Enjoying the Superbowl with friends- and having lots of laughter together

Freedom from the Chains

Today, I'm just going to be raw and honest.

I'm tired.

About 3 weeks ago I had a cold that lasted for a few days and then a week ago I got another one. This time it hit me hard and after a week, I'm still exhausted. My throat hurts. I can't seem to get enough sleep. All of this makes me feel like a bad mom because I don't feel up to playing with my daughter. And I also don't eat healthy because I'm too tired to put effort into making anything.

I'm praying for God's strength and power to take this away. Lately I've been thinking about how I was 2 years ago- spiritually and physically. I was working out every day, eating well, in God's Word, and had a lot of energy. I know that the energy stemmed from all the rest, and I desperately want to be back there again. It's just that if feels like I'm in a viscous cycle that is hard to break out of. I feel too tired to work out and then tired because I don't work out.

I know it just takes actually doing it. Just getting out there and starting. It won't be easy, but it's necessary. So necessary.

I think part of me is afraid. Afraid because I've been there before and afraid that if I get there again, that I might fail again and be back to where I am now. Afraid of what it means to live fully. Where I am right now is what I know. What I'm familiar with. What's comfortable.

But it's also all lies. Being in this place is not comfortable. It seems that way, but it's not.

It's chains and baggage and burdens.

It's not me living free like I am. I have freedom in Christ.

It's about time I start living that way.

Home

As I was teaching yesterday, I was discussing with my students the deeper meaning of words. I used the example of a house and a home. I explained that the even though these two seem to have the same meaning at first, the meaning of home is much deeper.

Home is where the heart is.

Home sweet home.

A house is made of walls and beams; a home is built with love and dreams.

I went on to say that a home is where you feel most comfortable. Where you feel most at peace. I explained that growing up in Michigan for all of my childhood and up until the beginning of my adult life, that Michigan feels like home. The place I'll always call home.

However, even as I said this, my heart told me different.

I found that I am finally at home here. Not at home in Florida. But at home with my family.

I am at home with the smell of this morning's coffee brewing and the sound of my husband's deep breathing in the background as he soundly sleeps.

I am at home with the sweet giggling of my baby girl as she excitedly flails her little legs and finds something new to put in her mouth.

I am at home with the soft little fingers that wrap around my thumb and don't want to let go.

I am at home with the gentle breeze blowing through the window.

I am at home with her soft curls and his strong hands.

I am at home here.

“I have been very happy with my homes, but homes really are no more than the people who live in them.” -Nancy Reagan

“I long, as does every human being, to be at home wherever I find myself.” -Maya Angelou

If These Walls Could Talk...

First off, I want to say that I really do enjoy our new place. However, we do still live in an apartment and because of that, we have close neighbors- very close. Neighbors that share our walls. Thin walls. And wow, sometimes we can hear everything. Our next door neighbors, a middle-aged couple, are nice and respectful people, however when they argue, they definitely do not have a healthy way of communicating (to put it lightly). Our neighbors above us are a whole different story...they are a very young couple, just kids really. These two, trying to make it on their own, have a lot to learn about being in a relationship. Lately there has been a LOT of shouting and arguing and cussing. Frustrating for us? Sure, but more than anything, it breaks my heart.

And it's made me think...hearing these couples argue...it's probably not all that uncommon for couples to fight this way. Don't get me wrong, John and I are human and have our disagreements, but hearing our neighbors through the walls have made me so grateful.

I'm grateful that even in our disagreements, John and I have found a way to communicate well. I'm grateful for a husband who is patient and loving and puts the thoughts of his family before himself. I'm grateful that because we have Christ at the center of our marriage, even the most difficult times are manageable because our perspective is on God's purposes and not our own (most of the time).

Jesus, I pray that we would continue down a path of portraying the relationship between You and the church as the Bible commands, so that even if our neighbors hear us through the walls, we would be representing You.

Blessed Assurance: Remembering Grandpa

I hope to post more soon about what has happened in our lives over the last month since I've last written, but tonight I wanted to pay tribute to my dear Grandpa Hop who left this earth and entered into eternity this morning. Although it was a shock--no one expected a man in his amazing state of health as an 85 year-old to die of a massive heart attack--it's important to remember what he left here for us all.

Grandpa was an amazing man in so many ways. I don't think words can really do it justice, but I can try.

He had a wonderful sense of humor and had the best laugh. I have many, many fond memories of playing cards with him and "talking smack" with each other. He could dish it out and take it equally as well. I loved the light banter that we'd have during those times. I can't help but chuckle a little as I remember those times.

He had a deep compassion for others. For many, many years, up until today, he worked with a prison ministry, helping to dig deep into Scripture with new believers in prison. Although he did it for so many years, it wasn't until about a year and a half ago that I heard about it, which was a true display of his humility. In whatever he did, he put others first and truly cared about what people were going through.

He had an amazing memory. Even though he had over 25 grandchildren and over 20 great-grandchildren, he knew all the grandchildren's birthdays and all the great-grandchildren's names. It showed how much he invested in his family and the value he placed on it. He also made sure to call us and take the time to really know what was going on in everyone's lives--and he knew, too, what was going on!

He valued health. He went for a jog almost every day for years and in the last few years, although those jogs turned to brisk walks, he still made sure to get out, enjoy the fresh air, and stay in shape. He even took up biking the last few months of his life! He inspires me to value health the same way.

Although courageous and strong, he was not afraid to show emotion. I saw my grandpa cry more times than I can count, but almost all the memories I have of him crying are because he was crying over the blessings he had in his life. He said the prayer at almost all of his grandchildren's weddings and I know his prayers were almost always tear-filled because of the overwhelming joy he felt in those moments, among many others.

He had such a strong faith. His faith in his Lord and Savior Jesus Christ was unwavering. He had a deep relationship with Christ and it spilled over into everything that he did and said. I can still hear his powerful, beautiful voice belting out hymns at many services. He loved singing praises to his Savior and wasn't afraid to show that passion in his worship. He was in the Word constantly and was an amazing witness with all he came in contact.

Grandpa, I will miss you so much but know that you are now singing your heart out at the feet of Jesus...I love you.

Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine!
Oh, what a foretaste of glory divine!
Heir of salvation, purchase of God,
Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood.

• This is my story, this is my song,
  Praising my Savior all the day long;
  This is my story, this is my song,
  Praising my Savior all the day long.

Perfect submission, perfect delight,
Visions of rapture now burst on my sight;
Angels, descending, bring from above
Echoes of mercy, whispers of love.

Perfect submission, all is at rest,
I in my Savior am happy and blest,
Watching and waiting, looking above,
Filled with His goodness, lost in His love.