Today, I'm just going to be raw and honest.
I'm tired.
About 3 weeks ago I had a cold that lasted for a few days and then a week ago I got another one. This time it hit me hard and after a week, I'm still exhausted. My throat hurts. I can't seem to get enough sleep. All of this makes me feel like a bad mom because I don't feel up to playing with my daughter. And I also don't eat healthy because I'm too tired to put effort into making anything.
I'm praying for God's strength and power to take this away. Lately I've been thinking about how I was 2 years ago- spiritually and physically. I was working out every day, eating well, in God's Word, and had a lot of energy. I know that the energy stemmed from all the rest, and I desperately want to be back there again. It's just that if feels like I'm in a viscous cycle that is hard to break out of. I feel too tired to work out and then tired because I don't work out.
I know it just takes actually doing it. Just getting out there and starting. It won't be easy, but it's necessary. So necessary.
I think part of me is afraid. Afraid because I've been there before and afraid that if I get there again, that I might fail again and be back to where I am now. Afraid of what it means to live fully. Where I am right now is what I know. What I'm familiar with. What's comfortable.
But it's also all lies. Being in this place is not comfortable. It seems that way, but it's not.
It's chains and baggage and burdens.
It's not me living free like I am. I have freedom in Christ.
It's about time I start living that way.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
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It is chains. I am always amazed how easy it is for me to run back to a place that held me captive. It does keep us relying on Christ....praise God.
ReplyDeleteOne step at a time. Don't try to do it all. You have a lot on your plate and I know (personally) that when I try to change 3 or 4 things at once I fail. I, too, will be praying for God's strength, endurance, freedom and power in your life.
Not sure how I missed this post earlier- but thank you for your honesty in this. You are doing a LOT between working at home, taking care of a 6 month old, the home, and yourself.
ReplyDeleteJust an idea- Saturday mornings Steve and I have started jogging/walking from our home to ballast point park. It is one mile there and one mile back from our house. You are welcome to come over to our house and we could jog together to the park- its a fun way to exercise with little ones and enjoy the outdoors!