Beginning Observations

Starting this journey, I know I will have a lot to say at the beginning as there will be so many initial changes.  A couple of observations from the last few days after starting:

On Friday, I decided I was going to eat similarly to how I had before, partly because I had to get the correct foods/ points in the house, but I was also curious to see how I was doing daily before, because I had been telling myself that I was just probably not eating enough. Sure, I knew some of what I was eating was the wrong things, but surely I wasn't doing that bad. 

So, I went to Tim Horton's on the way home for my latte and egg biscuit sandwich (and threw in a pastry).  Then, the rest of the day, I just kind of snacked throughout the day and had a tuna sub from Subway for dinner.  I figured, it was Subway and tuna couldn't be horrible.

I counted up points at the end of the day and oh boy...I went 8 points over my alotted points for the day.  And aside from breakfast, I really hadn't done all that bad with my choices.  Even dinner...I didn't get chips and I didn't get cheese on my sub.  However, all those little things throughout the day that I didn't think were too bad? Yeah, they added up FAST.  

Some people may wonder why in the world I did that on my first day.  I knew that we get 49 extra points a week and I am not planning on using many of those this week (probably just a few for a breakfast of pancakes one morning while camping and one s'more one evening), so I could afford to go over a little. And it was SO eye-opening to see what I had been doing before and how quickly it added up!  Duh, I wasn't losing weight, so it shouldn't have been that surprising.  But it was.

Since then, I have planned out my points for the day at the very beginning of the day, leaving a few for an extra laughing cow cheese or tsp of almond butter on my banana if I want.  And it has been great!   I even made it through the church potluck yesterday making healthy decisions....the brownies weren't even tempting (yet ;)).

I had been saying that the thing I wasn't looking forward to was tracking points on WW again.  I was telling myself that the reason why was because since I have an addiction to food, I thought keeping track of points would just make me think about food more.

I don't think I have ever been more wrong.  What planning my day out at the beginning has done for me is to help me NOT think of food as much throughout the day.  Since I know what I am allowed to have, and can only have what I tracked for, then when I'm tempted to eat something I can't, I am now more prone to pray for God's strength to get me through the temptation rather than to eat it mindlessly.  And if I really am hungry, I have to go for a piece of fruit or carrots (0 points) instead.  

Praising God for the start to this journey! I honestly am more pumped about it now that I am a few days into it.  

I have planned out, in general, what I can have camping.  When we get back, I'll let you know how it goes! Let's do this!

Weigh-In: Week One

So the day has arrived. And I must admit, it's hard already.  If I am truly honesty with myself (which I need to be, if this is going to be a successful journey), I'm not ready to start really watching what I eat and would rather just be lazy and eat mindlessly.  However, the meeting this morning already helped to put things in perspective again.  There are a lot of reasons why I need to get in shape.  Of course, I know I'll feel better about my physical appearance, but it is more importantly so that I am healthy for my family, and more than anything, because it does not honor God to treat my body this way.   

I'm going to need guidelines to stay directed. So, I will post my weight loss (and, I know, sometimes a gain, although hopefully not often) weekly.  I will also take a picture monthly and post that here as well.  I thought about doing pictures weekly, but I want to see more drastic changes than what I will see each week.  

Here goes nothing...

Today's pictures:

They aren't pretty and they show too much of what I try to hide.  But I'm not hiding any longer. God-willing, these will start changing better every week.  I plan on wearing the same outfit every week to show the changes. 

And, today's weight was....drumroll....

296.6 lbs

Yuck.  Not surprising to me, but certainly not a number I want to see again.  Ever. And of course, not anything above it either.

Today's meeting focused on when we emotionally eat, because no one ever got overweight by eating only when they were hungry.  A lot of emotional reasons were given: stress, anger, joy (rewarding ourselves), boredom, sadness.  I have made excuses to eat for all of these reasons.  One that I think happens more now is out of stress, or really, just being busy and not focusing on myself.  I hardly ever take time to plan out my breakfast or lunch for the day. I also tend to eat while we're out running errands and just grab something because I feel to stressed to really plan out anything.  My goal is to start planning out what I'm going to eat ALL day, not just dinner time, which I usually do a pretty good job planning out with healthy options. 

My first challenge is already this coming week when we go camping with some dear friends.  Fortunately, I have a super supportive husband and my friends are also on a journey to eating healthier.  They have also been very supportive, so I don't suspect anyone sabotaging my efforts for this first week. ;)

I won't be able to weigh in next Friday since we'll be camping,  but I'll probably still post something after returning from camping. 

Here we go!

The Journey...to Freedom, Addiction, and Back Again

Since posting my last blog entry, I have had various people tell me that they are already encouraged to start loosing weight because of reading it.  Praise God! Although my main intent in doing this is to hold myself accountable, I do pray that God would use it to help others (especially women who struggle with food addictions) and ultimately to give God glory. 

For the purpose of my own journey,  I plan to tell a little about my journey through my weight loss and weight gain.  I pray that this is just the beginning of the journey and that it helps me turn around from this dead end at which I'm living and gets me on the right path again.

As I mentioned in my previous post, I have always struggled with my weight.  As long as I can remember, I have been overweight. 

Age 6

 My parents always loved me dearly and had the best intentions, so I don't blame any of it on them.  Although some people might have a past that caused an addiction of sorts, my food addiction is because I'm a sinner.  Plain and simple.  For whatever reason, it is the idol that I choose to replace God with on way too many occasions.  Growing up, I remember being a very active child.  I was involved in tennis every summer and other recreation and sports activities as well. As a family, we went on many bike rides, camped, hiked, and swam at the beach.  However, there were many times when I just ate too much.  Second helpings, going to the corner store for candy bars, summers home and eating junk food...it all added up pretty quickly.  

When I started middle school, I began to be aware of my weight more than before. 

7th grade 

 I remember laying in bed many, many nights telling myself that the next day was going to be a new day.  I was finally going to start eating healthy! But then the day would come and reality would hit.  The famous (infamous?) cinnamon roll would come with hot lunch, a friend would bring in cupcakes for her birthday...etc etc.  At the time, I didn't really know how to fight it.  I was a believer, but I don't think I saw food as an addiction yet, I just thought I needed to be better at eating and everything would  be fine. 

Sophomore year of high school  (1999)

My weight gain increased through high school and it wasn't until senior year when I started to take things more seriously.  I decided to try Slim Fast (2000-2001).  Seems crazy for a high school student, but it's what I did.  Every lunch hour, I would go up to my locker and fill my water bottle with my Slim Fast drink.  Although my friends new that I was drinking it to lose weight, I was still too embarrassed to carry a Slim Fast can through the halls of school.  Perhaps not the best way to lose weight, I do know that I lost some.  I don't know how much, but I know I started feeling better, my clothes were loser, and I can tell from pictures that I lost weight. 

Senior year of high school (2001)

 It was a good feeling, but like any fad diet, it didn't last.

Looming around the corner was college ( fall 2001).  Independence.  No one planning meals for me.  Just a great big dining hall that was like a continuous Golden Coral all-you-can-eat buffet for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  Instead of gaining the freshman 15, I gained the freshman 50.  My sophomore year (2002-2003) was the worst because I lived in the dorm that was attached to the dining hall.  A meal was rarely missed. Or a dessert for that matter.  Junior year we lived in an apartment, so I was off a meal plan and started making my own meals for the first time ever.  I started becoming more aware of the food I was putting in my body since I was cooking for myself. 

Fall 2003, Junior year at my heaviest in college

 For the new year in 2004, I decided that I should join Weight Watchers. I still remember the number on the scale at that first weigh in. 288.  It was the first time that I really took notice of what I weighed.  Weight Watchers worked very well for me for the next year. I counted points faithfully and healthy eating became a lifestyle.  I also started really working out for the first time in my life.  I started doing the stair stepper at our gym.  I can still remember the first time doing it, I was out of breath after a couple minutes.  Over the next year, I worked my way up to being able to stair step in intervals for over an hour. I was down about 45 lbs- now weighing about 245 by the end of senior year and was feeling great! 

Senior Year- May 2005 after losing 45 lbs

The fall after senior year (2005), I moved to Chicago for my teaching internship.  Although I didn't weigh myself faithfully, I did try to eat fairly well and work out when I could.  I would walk and jog along the beautiful coast of Lake Michigan. When I returned home, I weighed about the same as when I left.  I lived at home the following spring (2006) and my mom and I joined TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly).  It worked okay...I lost about 10 more pounds that semester.

Moving to Florida in the summer of 2006, I weighed 238 pounds.  I was pretty determined to live a healthy life style and joined a gym right after moving.  A few weeks after moving, right when school was beginning, I met John.  August 1st, 2006.  We got to know each other quickly and after a month and a half, we were dating.

November 2006- Started dating, after moving to Florida

I started dropping weight quickly.  Partly because John started working out and eating well with me, so I had accountability, but also because I had the thrill of dating to replace the hunger cravings. 

Friend Alli's wedding- July 2007

Over the next year and a half and dating, getting engaged, and preparing for our wedding, we took working out and eating healthy very seriously.  I was taking weight lifting classes twice a week (even going to a class at 5:30am on Fridays!) and we started really running.  We could easily run 5 miles and worked out every day.  I weighed 204 pounds on my wedding day (June 2008) and felt amazing.  I realize that 204 sounds very overweight to some people, but to someone who had weighed so much her whole life, this was a great weight.  Plus, I was lifting weights and running long distances, it wasn't just lost weight, but being in shape. 

Wedding Day- June 2008

After our wedding, we started training for a 15K.  I didn't lose a whole lot more, only 3 more pounds, but I  felt great after completing the 15K (9.3 miles) in February 2009, I was ready to be running even more!

Gasparilla 15K- February 2009

However, we didn't sign up for another race.  Slowly, we started to get comfortable.  I was at 201 pounds and thought that I had everything under control.  I thought I had it.  That I could have junk food more again.  It was almost like I thought that the weight couldn't come back on.  Boy, was I wrong.  I would still work out once and awhile, but not as frequently as I should have been.  I started making excuses and giving into my flesh.  I really don't know why, but I just kind of let things go.  The weight came back on quite quickly. When I got pregnant with Hannah the next October (2009), I weighed 245 pounds.  Back to where I was after I quit Weight Watchers.  

Beginning of pregnancy with Hannah- October 2009

During my pregnancy, I gained too much weight-- about 50 pounds. After Hannah was born, I only lost about 20 of it and hung on around 275 pounds for the next year and a half until I got pregnant with Abi (from mid-2010 to the end of 2012). John and I ate vegan in the fall and winter of 2011 and he did well, but I didn't really loose any weight eating this way.

Christmas 2011 - Post-pregnancy (Hannah)

I even tried joining Weight Watchers again, but after a couple of months of being there, I got pregnant with Abi and couldn't continue. I didn't gain as much with Abi, but it still was more than I should have, and most of that extra weight hasn't come off. I pretty much know what I weight now, but I will wait to share that exact number based on what the scale says at Weight Watchers on Friday.

This May (2013) 5K Tulip Time Run (top) and Color Run (bottom)
 (post-pregnancy-Abi)

I have since trained for and completed a 5K, running the whole way, and I feel like I am starting to get into a pattern of working out (well, the last couple weeks I haven't, I am planning on getting back in the gym again after the craziness of school is over this week), but the weight isn't coming off.  Not really at all.  This is when I knew I needed Weight Watchers- a form of accountability and weighing in to help me out.  A form that has worked before and I am determined again. 

And this time, I know that this is an addiction that I am facing and ultimately, God's strength and having Him fight this battle are going to help me overcome the addiction...not my own merit or anything I can do on my own strength.  I know what happens when I try to do it on my own strength...I gain the weight back.  

Again, praying that this is the journey that takes me out of this dead end and back on the path to freedom in Christ. 

Thanks for listening! Hoping to re-visit this entry over the next months and see significant changes! 

100 pounds, 1 year

It's time to be vulnerable.  Things aren't working the way I thought they would and I think opening up and blogging about this might work best.

Anyone who has known me for any length of time knows that I have always struggled with my weight.  I lost a lot until my wedding,but with settling into married life, having two babies, and really, just making excuses over the last 5 years, I am at my heaviest weight that I ever remember.

First, a confession: I have a food addiction.  Like, a true addiction.  Like, think about what great food I can eat next or get away with eating. I think like this way too many times: What snack can I get from the store and eat before I get home? Do I have cash to go through the drive-through?  It's a true addiction.

This coming Friday, I am joining Weight Watchers and hoping the accountability will help.  And blogging about it along the way- the challenges, the celebrations, and most importantly, what God teaches me on this journey.

My goal is to lose 100 pounds in 1 year.  I will be joining WW on Friday, May 31st, 2013.  I need to be down 100 lbs by June 1st, 2014.  It might seem like a lofty goal, but when I break it down, it equals about 2 lbs a week, which is very achievable.

For anyone who cares to hear my full weight loss story, that will be my next post in the next couple days.  

I'll let you know what my starting weight is on Friday (eek....I can't believe I'm going to post it for all to see...but, I think it is important for the process). 

(P.S....I realize it has been a very long time since I've blogged.  I'm hoping that blogging for this will also get me blogging about other things in my life...specifically my girls.  If I do what I'm setting out to do, I will have a blog post about our dear Abigail who is already 6 months old!).