The Journey...to Freedom, Addiction, and Back Again

Since posting my last blog entry, I have had various people tell me that they are already encouraged to start loosing weight because of reading it.  Praise God! Although my main intent in doing this is to hold myself accountable, I do pray that God would use it to help others (especially women who struggle with food addictions) and ultimately to give God glory. 

For the purpose of my own journey,  I plan to tell a little about my journey through my weight loss and weight gain.  I pray that this is just the beginning of the journey and that it helps me turn around from this dead end at which I'm living and gets me on the right path again.

As I mentioned in my previous post, I have always struggled with my weight.  As long as I can remember, I have been overweight. 

Age 6

 My parents always loved me dearly and had the best intentions, so I don't blame any of it on them.  Although some people might have a past that caused an addiction of sorts, my food addiction is because I'm a sinner.  Plain and simple.  For whatever reason, it is the idol that I choose to replace God with on way too many occasions.  Growing up, I remember being a very active child.  I was involved in tennis every summer and other recreation and sports activities as well. As a family, we went on many bike rides, camped, hiked, and swam at the beach.  However, there were many times when I just ate too much.  Second helpings, going to the corner store for candy bars, summers home and eating junk food...it all added up pretty quickly.  

When I started middle school, I began to be aware of my weight more than before. 

7th grade 

 I remember laying in bed many, many nights telling myself that the next day was going to be a new day.  I was finally going to start eating healthy! But then the day would come and reality would hit.  The famous (infamous?) cinnamon roll would come with hot lunch, a friend would bring in cupcakes for her birthday...etc etc.  At the time, I didn't really know how to fight it.  I was a believer, but I don't think I saw food as an addiction yet, I just thought I needed to be better at eating and everything would  be fine. 

Sophomore year of high school  (1999)

My weight gain increased through high school and it wasn't until senior year when I started to take things more seriously.  I decided to try Slim Fast (2000-2001).  Seems crazy for a high school student, but it's what I did.  Every lunch hour, I would go up to my locker and fill my water bottle with my Slim Fast drink.  Although my friends new that I was drinking it to lose weight, I was still too embarrassed to carry a Slim Fast can through the halls of school.  Perhaps not the best way to lose weight, I do know that I lost some.  I don't know how much, but I know I started feeling better, my clothes were loser, and I can tell from pictures that I lost weight. 

Senior year of high school (2001)

 It was a good feeling, but like any fad diet, it didn't last.

Looming around the corner was college ( fall 2001).  Independence.  No one planning meals for me.  Just a great big dining hall that was like a continuous Golden Coral all-you-can-eat buffet for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  Instead of gaining the freshman 15, I gained the freshman 50.  My sophomore year (2002-2003) was the worst because I lived in the dorm that was attached to the dining hall.  A meal was rarely missed. Or a dessert for that matter.  Junior year we lived in an apartment, so I was off a meal plan and started making my own meals for the first time ever.  I started becoming more aware of the food I was putting in my body since I was cooking for myself. 

Fall 2003, Junior year at my heaviest in college

 For the new year in 2004, I decided that I should join Weight Watchers. I still remember the number on the scale at that first weigh in. 288.  It was the first time that I really took notice of what I weighed.  Weight Watchers worked very well for me for the next year. I counted points faithfully and healthy eating became a lifestyle.  I also started really working out for the first time in my life.  I started doing the stair stepper at our gym.  I can still remember the first time doing it, I was out of breath after a couple minutes.  Over the next year, I worked my way up to being able to stair step in intervals for over an hour. I was down about 45 lbs- now weighing about 245 by the end of senior year and was feeling great! 

Senior Year- May 2005 after losing 45 lbs

The fall after senior year (2005), I moved to Chicago for my teaching internship.  Although I didn't weigh myself faithfully, I did try to eat fairly well and work out when I could.  I would walk and jog along the beautiful coast of Lake Michigan. When I returned home, I weighed about the same as when I left.  I lived at home the following spring (2006) and my mom and I joined TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly).  It worked okay...I lost about 10 more pounds that semester.

Moving to Florida in the summer of 2006, I weighed 238 pounds.  I was pretty determined to live a healthy life style and joined a gym right after moving.  A few weeks after moving, right when school was beginning, I met John.  August 1st, 2006.  We got to know each other quickly and after a month and a half, we were dating.

November 2006- Started dating, after moving to Florida

I started dropping weight quickly.  Partly because John started working out and eating well with me, so I had accountability, but also because I had the thrill of dating to replace the hunger cravings. 

Friend Alli's wedding- July 2007

Over the next year and a half and dating, getting engaged, and preparing for our wedding, we took working out and eating healthy very seriously.  I was taking weight lifting classes twice a week (even going to a class at 5:30am on Fridays!) and we started really running.  We could easily run 5 miles and worked out every day.  I weighed 204 pounds on my wedding day (June 2008) and felt amazing.  I realize that 204 sounds very overweight to some people, but to someone who had weighed so much her whole life, this was a great weight.  Plus, I was lifting weights and running long distances, it wasn't just lost weight, but being in shape. 

Wedding Day- June 2008

After our wedding, we started training for a 15K.  I didn't lose a whole lot more, only 3 more pounds, but I  felt great after completing the 15K (9.3 miles) in February 2009, I was ready to be running even more!

Gasparilla 15K- February 2009

However, we didn't sign up for another race.  Slowly, we started to get comfortable.  I was at 201 pounds and thought that I had everything under control.  I thought I had it.  That I could have junk food more again.  It was almost like I thought that the weight couldn't come back on.  Boy, was I wrong.  I would still work out once and awhile, but not as frequently as I should have been.  I started making excuses and giving into my flesh.  I really don't know why, but I just kind of let things go.  The weight came back on quite quickly. When I got pregnant with Hannah the next October (2009), I weighed 245 pounds.  Back to where I was after I quit Weight Watchers.  

Beginning of pregnancy with Hannah- October 2009

During my pregnancy, I gained too much weight-- about 50 pounds. After Hannah was born, I only lost about 20 of it and hung on around 275 pounds for the next year and a half until I got pregnant with Abi (from mid-2010 to the end of 2012). John and I ate vegan in the fall and winter of 2011 and he did well, but I didn't really loose any weight eating this way.

Christmas 2011 - Post-pregnancy (Hannah)

I even tried joining Weight Watchers again, but after a couple of months of being there, I got pregnant with Abi and couldn't continue. I didn't gain as much with Abi, but it still was more than I should have, and most of that extra weight hasn't come off. I pretty much know what I weight now, but I will wait to share that exact number based on what the scale says at Weight Watchers on Friday.

This May (2013) 5K Tulip Time Run (top) and Color Run (bottom)
 (post-pregnancy-Abi)

I have since trained for and completed a 5K, running the whole way, and I feel like I am starting to get into a pattern of working out (well, the last couple weeks I haven't, I am planning on getting back in the gym again after the craziness of school is over this week), but the weight isn't coming off.  Not really at all.  This is when I knew I needed Weight Watchers- a form of accountability and weighing in to help me out.  A form that has worked before and I am determined again. 

And this time, I know that this is an addiction that I am facing and ultimately, God's strength and having Him fight this battle are going to help me overcome the addiction...not my own merit or anything I can do on my own strength.  I know what happens when I try to do it on my own strength...I gain the weight back.  

Again, praying that this is the journey that takes me out of this dead end and back on the path to freedom in Christ. 

Thanks for listening! Hoping to re-visit this entry over the next months and see significant changes!