A few weeks ago, when I wrote for Journey of Faith Friday, Amber wanted us to focus on a season of doubt in our lives. Let me bring you all on a little journey through a very recent season of doubt that I briefly touched on in that post. I have been fairly open about the situation because it really shows how God gets the glory:
November-April.
I must admit, I have doubted a lot in the last, well, almost a year. Even before I was pregnant with Hannah, it was always our desire for me to be able to stay home with her. Don't get me wrong, I've always loved teaching and being at Orange Grove these past two years has been the best, but I also have always known that family would come before my job, no matter how much I liked it. Financially, we just didn't see how it would work. We prayed a ton and realized that if I did stay home, I would need to bring in some source of income, however that might look. I began looking for various options, but nothing seemed to pan out. I, in my weak moments and times of unbelief, wondered if God would provide this opportunity - one that seemed so much a part of His will.
May.
The summer came and my anxiety grew...as well as my belly. My due date was fast approaching and it still seemed as if I would have to go back to work. While my husband faithfully worked at finding a way, I sank deeper in despair and frustration. Everything we thought was working out would fall apart, just when we thought we could see the end. John continued to have a steady, unchanging faith for what God could do while I asked God if He really knew what He was doing...um, yeah.
June.
Not only were
Then, when it seemed like we really didn't know how things would work out, money that we were planning on receiving through short term disability over the time I was on non-paid maternity leave fell through (I found that lots of large insurance companies really really make it difficult to use benefits that really belong to you).
Whatever God was going to do, I was very interested to see how...
"My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,' says the Lord. 'For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9
I think God finally made me realize the truth of this verse. And that His timing is so not ours. In fact, I'm pretty sure He has a sense of humor regarding His timing, too. Let's fast-forward a bit...
July.
Well, God went above and beyond providing through John's tutoring business through June and July (and continues to do, praise Him!) Let me say here that John worked so hard to provide for us over the summer and I am so very grateful to him and proud of him for doing so.
To show how God's timing is so not ours, I'm going to break down July more specifically.
Jul 8-9.
I attended a workshop through school. This was 10 days before my due date and although seemingly crazy to do, it was 2 days of sitting and getting money rather than sitting at home waiting for baby and not making money. While there, a woman who was sitting in front of me "randomly" or "coincidentially" turned around and asked me if I knew anyone looking for online teaching positions. Well, this was the one job that I had REALLY been looking into, but that never seemed to work out. How funny is God?! She forwarded me an email from a virtual school looking to hire teachers. I, of course, took necessary steps to apply for the job (that day).
July 14.
I receive an email from this virtual school asking if I could attend an interview day for the school on July 19. My due date. I figured, if God's brought this opportunity up this late in the game, He knows what He's doing! (duh.)
July 19.
John and I road trip it to Orlando where I sit waiting for two rounds of interviews over the course of 5 hours (oiy, that's tough on a 40 week preggo woman--amazingly enough, between the two interviews, one of the interviewees gave us her room key so John and I could wait in a more comfortable environment. How nice is that?!) I left tired, but feeling good about the interviews.
July 21.
Still preggo, in the middle of the day, as I'm taking a nap, I receive a call from a different online school that I had really really wanted a job with, but that didn't seem to be working out. The woman who called asked if I could meet her for an interview on Friday. July 23: 4 days after my due date. I told her I could go into labor at any time, but would most definitely meet her if I hadn't had a baby yet.
July 23.
Interview with other online teaching job with a school I really really like. I feel this interview goes even better than the one with the other school.
July 24.
The morning after the interview, contractions begin and to the hospital we go.
July 25.
Hannah is born at 1:27am. See the full story here.
August 2.
Here from first online school that I did not get a job offer. Instead of trusting God because obviously He's been doing some great things already, I cry and think that I'm going to have to go back. How can I leave my baby?? Now that she was actually here, I couldn't even conceive of the idea. Why, God? I wasn't used to not getting a job (God needed to humble me in this area, obviously).
August 16.
THE day teachers go back to work (although I was taking maternity leave so wouldn't be going back) which meant that it was the first day that I wouldn't be getting paid (remember, no short term disability coverage). I get a call and email from an administrator of the online school I really really liked and she OFFERED ME THE JOB!!! Start date? August 17. Days without getting paid? ONE.
Wow. God doesn't cease to amaze. So now I'm working for an online school, which isn't going to be easy work by any means, but I'm where I want to be, with a job that I really think I'm going to enjoy very much, and working FROM HOME with my daughter!
Now you see what I mean about God's timing and sense of humor? Yeah.
He is tearing me down bit by bit and helping me realize time and time again that He's in control and I AM NOT. Difficult for a control freak to handle sometimes.
Well, God went above and beyond providing through John's tutoring business through June and July (and continues to do, praise Him!) Let me say here that John worked so hard to provide for us over the summer and I am so very grateful to him and proud of him for doing so.
To show how God's timing is so not ours, I'm going to break down July more specifically.
Jul 8-9.
I attended a workshop through school. This was 10 days before my due date and although seemingly crazy to do, it was 2 days of sitting and getting money rather than sitting at home waiting for baby and not making money. While there, a woman who was sitting in front of me "randomly" or "coincidentially" turned around and asked me if I knew anyone looking for online teaching positions. Well, this was the one job that I had REALLY been looking into, but that never seemed to work out. How funny is God?! She forwarded me an email from a virtual school looking to hire teachers. I, of course, took necessary steps to apply for the job (that day).
July 14.
I receive an email from this virtual school asking if I could attend an interview day for the school on July 19. My due date. I figured, if God's brought this opportunity up this late in the game, He knows what He's doing! (duh.)
July 19.
John and I road trip it to Orlando where I sit waiting for two rounds of interviews over the course of 5 hours (oiy, that's tough on a 40 week preggo woman--amazingly enough, between the two interviews, one of the interviewees gave us her room key so John and I could wait in a more comfortable environment. How nice is that?!) I left tired, but feeling good about the interviews.
July 21.
Still preggo, in the middle of the day, as I'm taking a nap, I receive a call from a different online school that I had really really wanted a job with, but that didn't seem to be working out. The woman who called asked if I could meet her for an interview on Friday. July 23: 4 days after my due date. I told her I could go into labor at any time, but would most definitely meet her if I hadn't had a baby yet.
July 23.
Interview with other online teaching job with a school I really really like. I feel this interview goes even better than the one with the other school.
July 24.
The morning after the interview, contractions begin and to the hospital we go.
July 25.
Hannah is born at 1:27am. See the full story here.
August 2.
Here from first online school that I did not get a job offer. Instead of trusting God because obviously He's been doing some great things already, I cry and think that I'm going to have to go back. How can I leave my baby?? Now that she was actually here, I couldn't even conceive of the idea. Why, God? I wasn't used to not getting a job (God needed to humble me in this area, obviously).
August 16.
THE day teachers go back to work (although I was taking maternity leave so wouldn't be going back) which meant that it was the first day that I wouldn't be getting paid (remember, no short term disability coverage). I get a call and email from an administrator of the online school I really really liked and she OFFERED ME THE JOB!!! Start date? August 17. Days without getting paid? ONE.
Wow. God doesn't cease to amaze. So now I'm working for an online school, which isn't going to be easy work by any means, but I'm where I want to be, with a job that I really think I'm going to enjoy very much, and working FROM HOME with my daughter!
Now you see what I mean about God's timing and sense of humor? Yeah.
He is tearing me down bit by bit and helping me realize time and time again that He's in control and I AM NOT. Difficult for a control freak to handle sometimes.
God is doing amazing things in your life! I look forward to watching Him do even more and watching little Hannah grow! Love you!
ReplyDeleteYeah! Congratulations on your new opportunity - as well as the chance to be a work at home Mommy! God's timing is sometimes frustrating, but always perfect :) ...
ReplyDeleteWow!! Thanks so much for this post. I love to see how God works in people's life despite our doubts, frustrations, and so on.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on the job!! I currently am trying to figure out what to do about work, because our budget is way too tight for me to stay home 100% of the time. I realize I need to be more faithful and consistent with praying.
Thanks Rebecca. I hope you get to link back up to "Journey of Faith Friday" soon. I love reading of God's work in your life.