A Little Bit of This, A Little Bit of That...

I keep thinking of things I want to blog about and then before I know it, the day is done and I've gone without updating one more day. So today's blog is going to touch on a few parts of life: what I've been cooking in the kitchen, the progress of our little Hannah (who isn't quite so little anymore...), and how God's been working on me. It might be long, so bear with me and read what you want. Today's post is definitely going to be a huge outpouring of what's swimming around in my mind right now.

FAMILY

This last month seriously slipped right out from under me. Hannah was just turning a month old yesterday, wasn't she?! I really can't believe she's now over 2 months old. She grows more beautiful each day. Some huge changes this past month:

1. She can hold her head up so well. Part of this might be due to the fact that she's been having some issues with gas and her poor little tummy, so stretching out and up (when she's on her tummy) as far as she can go might seem to relieve some of the pain.

2. She can roll from her tummy to her back! Again, I really believe this is mostly due to the gas and so because of it, there is some pain association with the pressure on her tummy when she's laying on it and she doesn't want to stay there. Regardless, she's a rollin'!


(note: because of the gas, I've taken out dairy for the past 2 weeks. Unfortunately, it hasn't seemed to help and so I'm trying to figure out what else it might be. Not fun for either of us...she's still gassy, but I don't want to add dairy back it for fear of making it worse. And I have to miss out on cheese. And ice cream. Yes, feel sorry for me. Looking on the bright side, maybe it'll help these love handles to disappear a little faster.)

3. She smiles all the time!! I love it! Oh my goodness. There is absolutely nothing more precious than smiling at your child and having them give a super large grin back up at you! Ah Hannah, I seriously want to eat you up.

(second note: why is it that we say that about babies? It's such a disturbing phrase, really, but yet it's true! I DO want to just take her little hand, put it in my mouth and nibble away!)

4. She makes lots of noises. Each day she finds her voice a little more and a little louder. It's adorable. She'll usually just lay there not saying much, but if I'm playing with her and talk to her, that's when the talking starts...she just needed someone to talk with! What's kind of funny is that with my job, I'm on the phone with parents and students for a couple hours each day and sometimes she's on my lap. I'll call when she's usually sleeping, but sometimes I will if she's just content to lay there. However, the minute I start talking to the person on the phone, it's like she thinks I'm talking to her and she'll start babbling away...ooops! It's a good thing most of the parents understand and are enrolled in K12 with the same set of values, mainly putting family first and spending time together, so they support the fact that I'm a stay-at-home, yet working, mom.

5. She loves sitting in her bouncy seat (until she falls asleep :)) , on the kitchen counter, and watch me make meals and wash dishes. And I love it too :) In fact, she's getting to the point that if I leave whatever room she is in, while she's awake, she'll start crying. It's amazing what she realizes at this young of an age already!

Well, I could go on and on and on about the precious bundle of joy that God's blessed us with, but I'll stop there for now :)

Oh! Soooo I love scrapbooking, but I didn't really think about doing one for her because a) I was wondering when I'd have time and b) I thought that blogging could replace it. Nope. Wrong. I was at Michaels the other day and got sucked into the scrapbooking section. Literally, I think there was a vacuum there and I couldn't escape. I found THE most adorable album and had to buy it. So now I have to start an album for her (and for every sibling here on out...). I just want to do like 20 pages right now. But I'm afraid that if I start, I won't be able to stop and I WILL do 20 pages and then it'll be tomorrow morning and I will be crabby because I didn't sleep. But I'd have 20 pages finished!!! I feel the vacuum again...the book. is. right. there.

Anyway, I'm crazy, I know. And that was a tangent.

Let's move on...

FOOD

While there are an abundant number of blessings to being able to stay home with Hannah, one that I've really enjoyed is the time to try out new and fun recipes (and now, hopefully some more healthy ones too). I noticed a pattern lately I have of combining some certain ingredients together: ground turkey, tomato sauce, onion, breadcrumbs, an egg, and spices....it's amazing what can be made with these things:

the cabbage rolls I posted about last time.

a delicious meatloaf (yes, as strange as it sounds, we do in fact eat meatloaf. and love it, thank you very much).

spaghetti and meatballs (or rigatoni and meatballs since I didn't have spaghetti noodles).

All these were made within just shy of two weeks of each other. But they were different meals, with different flavors, so it worked!

I also made a FABULOUS ginger steak salad that The Pioneer Woman posted on her website a bit ago. Just delicious. I forgot to take a picture, but it wouldn't have looked near as good as P-Dub's did. She's the photographer and gourmet chef. NOT me.

Also on the list of things I made was a mouth-watering pork that simmered all day in the crockpot and made our little apartment smell fantastic. I loved that I got to smell it all day. And it made me feel all cozy inside, like it might actually be Fall. Then I opened the front door. That's okay...I should be happy for the sun...but there's something about those overcast, crisp fall days in Michigan that are just....just...really indescribable. I always see God in amazing bits of nature in the Fall...the vibrant colors. Bright orange, fiery red, brilliant yellows all backed up by a deep blue sky that I haven't seen anywhere else but up north. I really feel sorry for people who haven't experienced a true Autumn. It's my favorite.

But I digress. I'll talk more about my love for Fall in another post...

Tonight I made Asian lettuce wraps. I just used some things I had in the house, and wow, they turned out good (if I can say so myself). I didn't have a recipe, but I based it off of this one that I used a long while back and still had some of the ingredients to make it again (the red pepper paste, sesame oil, ginger paste, etc).

FAITH

Speaking of food, that segues well into talking about my faith. Why? Well, I'm about ready to become brutally honest with you all. I feel like I need to in order to make it public and help me really start on the changes I need to make.

Food has always been one of those love-hate relationships for me. I love it. I love cakes, pastries, cookies...pizza, Chinese, burgers...sweet, salty, both. I love to make it. Give me a day to bake and cook and I would ask for a thousand more. But this is also why I hate it. Because I love it too much. And I hate the way I feel after the inability to control how much of it I eat. I had the realization years ago already that my love of food was an addiction. When I start eating a bag of chips, it's like I turn my mind off, become numb to the world, and keep on eating and eating. Before I know it, the chips are gone.

How does this relate to faith, you might ask? It has EVERYTHING to do with faith. When I'm eating like this, I have no self-control. I'm not allowing the Holy Spirit to take control and I'm placing food as an idol above God. I make IT my god.

Philippians 3:19, "Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things."

In addition, I'm not healthy and have a poor self-image which goes completely against what God would have for me.

1 Corinthians 6:19, "Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own?"

Would you believe I have the latter verse tattooed on my shoulder? Yet again and again, I don't treat my physical body as the house of God.

In the Old Testament, God had so many specific details put into creating His house, His temple. It was to be pure, clean, kept holy and fit for a king. The King.

In the New Testament, God's temple, the temple of the Holy Spirit, is my body. Am I keeping it pure, clean, and treating it like it's fit for The King?

No. Not right now, at least. I've done so well in the past and felt so good. Now, I know that I just had a baby and I'm allowed to have a few extra pounds, but unfortunately, I have more than just a few. I've let all self-control slip away again and let the addiction take the place on the throne where God rightfully belongs.

I'm ready to change, even though for some reason, fear always creeps in. What if I can't do it? After getting down to a healthy weight, will I be able to keep it off? I'm comfortable to hide behind this body. Do I really want to change? Am I ready to sacrifice the comforts of the food and how it numbs me? The devil gets this stronghold and I need to once again give it to God.

I'm posting this here because I need to not only be honest with myself, but pray that God can use this as a testimony of His glory. Because the fact is, I can't change my eating habits on my own. I can't break the cycle of this addiction alone. It's only with His strength ALONE is any of it possible.

I was watching The Biggest Loser season premier last week and listened to parent after parent say they wanted to change not only for themselves, but for their children. Not only to run around outside with them, but to be around while they grow up. And, what hit me the most, was they wanted to change so that they wouldn't instill poor eating habits into their children. The last thing I want is for my poor eating decisions to become my daughters and for it to rub off on her. The last thing I want is for her to go through middle school constantly worried about her weight and being overweight and struggling to fit in rather than stick out like a sore thumb.

So I need to change. Scratch that. I need Jesus Christ to change ME. I'm sick of myself. I need to die to myself and my addiction and let God's grace sweep over me, His love to surround me, to show me that I don't need food to fulfill--HE fulfills and is the only thing that can truly sustain me.

Thanks for allowing me to share my heart.

I'll keep you updated.